How the fragile male ego is created
Picture this, it is the year of our lord 2019 and a guy texts you expressing interest and you turn him down. Your simple “No thanks”, catapults him into a frenzy of insults and cuss words. Way too often this is the story my friends tell me, or I see a post on Facebook from one of my peers describing the same behavior. My cousin told me she was so afraid to tell a guy “No”, if she’s approached in public because she had been harassed before. Women should not have to deal with trauma of this nature over something so simple. But we do, because the “fragile male ego” is a very real thing.
The term “Fragile male ego” usually occurs when a Man’s ego feels fragile or his self esteem is lowered, due to a situation where he was challenged, disappointed, or given an answer or outcome he didn’t expect. As a society, we haven’t taught enough men how to manage their own expectations, disappointment, and emotions. I think a contributing factor to the fragile male ego is how boys are taught to see women at a young age. When I was in middle school and high school women were just seen as a prize, a token to be won on a road of tokens like the video game “Sonic” and you want to collect as many as possible. But what if someone didn’t want to be collected? From the outbursts and reactions I saw then in school and still see now as an adult, we are failing to teach our young boys they won’t always win. Rejection and disappointment are normal feelings, that should be taught right along with “How to hit on a girl 101”.
In my own opinion, men who haven’t dealt with emotional trauma usually have fragile or weak egos. I went to an event this weekend where an artist did a poem and the reaction from it was definitely unexpected for him. The topic chosen to converse on after hearing his poem was Toxic Masculinity, but the innate bad reaction to the poem made it really hard for him to participate in the conversation. I could see the struggle he was having dealing with the criticism and getting his point across about the poem itself. At one point his ego became so fragile to the criticism he was receiving he responded “I’ve been f****** since I was 11” . After that I immediately jumped up grabbed a mic and corrected him, “No, you been sexually assaulted at 11”.
Outbursts and responses like that are exactly what happens when we don’t teach men what it’s like to lose. Black men especially need to know that it’s okay to cry and show emotion, and not every girl you’re interested in will be interested back. Bottling up your emotions not only sets these unrealistic expectations for dating it also set you up for failure in adulthood when you can’t express your emotions and have a mental breakdown. When we’re teaching young boys to be strong make sure they know it doesn’t make girls weak. When we’re teaching them about sex and sexual education make sure they know what consent means not just for sex but basic touch as well. The number one way to prevent the continuance of the “Fragile Male Ego” is to start addressing all emotions with men like we do women, and normalize those feelings and emotions from birth to adulthood.
